Couples lucky enough to enjoy long-term partnerships may have similar sex drives perhaps not too much sex, or even none at all? Human behaviour seems to be under the control of two evolutionary programs: one that results in fertilisation, disillusionment and a series of partners, and the other that enables humans to develop the lasting relationships that lead to long, happy and healthy lives.
References 1. Carter, SC Neuroendocrine perspectives on social attachment and love. Psychoneuroendocrinology; 23 8 : Brain, Behavior, and Immunity; 19 1 : Coan, JA et al Lending a hand: social regulation of the neural response to threat. Holden, AEC et al The influence of depression on sexual risk reduction and STD infection in a controlled, randomized intervention trial. Journal of Sexually Transmitted Diseases; 35 10 : Holstege, G et al Brain activation during human male ejaculation. The Journal of Neuroscience; 23 27 : Contemporary Urology; Journal of Zoo and Wildlife Medicine; 35 1 : International Journal of Primatology; 25 5 : Guo, G, Tong, Y et al Dopamine transporter, gender, and number of sexual partners among young adults.
European Journal of Human Genetics; — You're on the right track. Without it, you actually have nothing.
No matter how good looking you or your partner are, there will be cracks in the foundation of the relationship if you don't respect each other, she says. Do they pay attention? Do they listen? Do they care? And a feeling of honesty and openness is key, she says. And though, like looks, money doesn't buy happiness, don't completely write it off, Martinez adds.
This may be a slightly different story depending on how old you are, however. When you're in college, for example, it's cute to count change to do laundry together. In your thirties — much less so. Deep friendship, emotional intelligence and the ability to work through conflict are the Holy Grail of relationship harmony, relationship counselor Crystal Bradshaw tells Bustle.
And they build upon each other, she adds: "If a relationship is lacking in any of these areas, there will likely be some turmoil. Things build from there. As these elements are planted and strengthened, the relationship grows and matures. It nurtures the deep friendship, and embodies respect, admiration and fondness for each other, which makes the relationship strong and helps protect it from negative experiences when they occur — because they will happen, even in the best of relationship. And as to conflict, Bradshaw says, if you have the first two, you can tackle issues when they come up.
Is your partner kind? If they are kind to everyone — even the annoying neighbor, even the unhelpful bellhop, even the dismissive waiter — this says volumes. As to beauty and finances, throw them out the window, Dr. Atop the list of requisite relationship components to be valued way above hotness or bank: "Mental flexibility, relationship coach and therapist Anita Chlipala tells Bustle. She also stresses that open and honest communication, trust and a certain kind of love are crucial.
And yes, sure, you love your partner — but how do you love them? Either way, it's a win. One reading tip: You'll probably read the first in-depth chapter about the two-week cycle orgasm creates and be amazed. Then, as you start the next chapters, you'll probably think to yourself, "Didn't I read this already? Skim forward until you hit a chapter later on where it all seems new again, that will be the chapter that introduces the science behind bonding instead of mating.
Then, after you've read that and turn to the next chapter and think, "Didn't I already Watch for bits that stand out to you. Really, this book could have been so much shorter. And I wish it were, because then I would wholeheartedly recommend it to everyone. Of all the books I've read on sexuality and sexual relationships, this one has actually been the most helpful to spell things out and help me see the why behind it all.
It's also probably the most poorly edited. But, really, check it out from your library and give it a look! Aug 22, Reginald rated it really liked it.
How To Orgasm With Your Partner At The Same Time
Apr 30, Elizabeth rated it did not like it Recommends it for: noone except a therapist whose client is screwed up by this. Shelves: get-again , ralph , 2nd-tier. ILL I keep dreading reading this to do an adequate review. Next time just do one chapter. Read the Goodreads description of this book. It was probably written by the author. This book does NOT have the newest neuroscience. As far as I know it uses ideas out of context and junk science. Not in the mainstream of science at all. It doesn't steer people in a usefull direction IMHO. However it is clear alright, just clearly wrong.
Biology ha ILL I keep dreading reading this to do an adequate review. Biology has plans for your love life -- Elephants in the living room -- A whale's tail -- At the heart of the separation virus -- The passion cycle -- The road to excess -- Outsmarting our sneaky genes -- Science that binds -- Bridging the gap -- The path of harmony -- Any questions? View all 5 comments. Apr 03, KB rated it really liked it. What I like so far Good argument, but no solid conclusion To be clear, there are no actual studies that Karezza in and of itself saves marriages, or rebuilds lost passion in a relationship.
However, the reason why this book is very interesting is that the author has collected enough science and research from neurology, zoology, anthropology, and psychology to make a very compelling case that orgasm-centered sexuality creates an undesired neurobiological reaction that is responsible for lost rom What I like so far However, the reason why this book is very interesting is that the author has collected enough science and research from neurology, zoology, anthropology, and psychology to make a very compelling case that orgasm-centered sexuality creates an undesired neurobiological reaction that is responsible for lost romantic passions.
I like that. What she does is essentially put together a lot of puzzle pieces to start a conversation about a topic that hasn't been widely explored.
Simple Way of Intense Living.
Currently, I doubt there could be any studies about this, as this sexuality style is so fringe that literally no one has heard about it. What I didn't like so far Ok, that's cool. Sure, I'm open-minded enough where I can see past that and get to the bigger picture, but still. If you're targeting everyone and trying to have this book pass as research on sexuality and psychology, it's best for the language in this book to stay frank, and scientific. The other problem I have is that she discourages sexual excitement and arousal during intercourse, even when this advice isn't strongly supported in her book, as her advice against orgasm-centric sex.
Many of her "ecstatic exchanges" intimacy building exercises , are very platonic and actively suppress sexual excitement and arousal as much as possible.
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To an extent, based on her extensive research, I can get behind this with the Ecstatic Exchanges, but at the same time, she seems to forget or bypass that there are other ways to practice Karezza intercourse and that ranges from cuddling while your partner's penis inside of you to "edging" getting as close to an orgasm as possible without actually orgasming. All the while, partners have still commented on overall improved intimacy and mood. So with that also being said, none of her research has ever concluded or suggested that arousal or sexual excitement causes mood shifts or the "passion cycle".
In fact, in many of her chapters, she hints that before the orgasm creates a dopamine crash, your dopamine and other healthy neurochemicals rise during arousal and excitement. I think when some psychologist studies this and writes a follow-up book, 20 years in the future, they are going include more open-ended instructions and a franker straight-forward discussion of the topic. While I will try a lot of her ecstatic exchanges the ones that make sense to me , I still want to do this my way.
The bigger picture I get from Karezza is that it's pretty open-ended so long as it's bonding-based and lacks an orgasm. Oct 27, Greg rated it really liked it. I'm very ambivalent about giving this book 4 stars, because of the many instances where the author misrepresents or cherry-picks scientific studies to support her thesis. For reference, I am currently a working neuroscientist but in my former line-of-work I studied the psychology of addictive behaviors.
Regarding brain plasticity, Robinson probably vastly overemphasizes the importance of plasticity in the development of maladaptive sexual behavior; although, admittedly, the research about the heritability of sexual dysfunction is scarce, it would have helped her thesis to emphasize that many individuals might be predisposed to sexual dysfunction, and might have masturbated compulsively even in the absence of pornography.
However, these criticisms aside, this book advanced a thesis that is both highly novel and potentially destabilizing to the current paradigmatic secular-liberal understanding on sexuality "reject religious proscriptions regarding sex! This book is, I suspect, the first drop in what will eventually be a torrent of scientific books examining the notion of pornography as a potentially-addictive superstimulus.
View 1 comment. Mar 28, Manya rated it really liked it Shelves: read As a person who likes to learn about mind-body connections, it was really interesting for me to learn about how the early infatuation stages of a romance are neurochemically speaking pretty much like being on drugs. I had quite a few a-ha moments reading this. The book not only explains in simple terms which neurochemical changes take place and what causes them, but also how to circumvent your primitive procreate-and-move-on programming and move into a more bonding-based experience with your partner which is less focussed on inducing orgasm.
I like that every alternate chapter highlights ancient practices from around the world which were used long before there were scientific studies and technologies to prove their effects on mind-body well-being.
All-in-all highly recommendable for everyone interested in this topic, even if some of the theories and suggestions are perhaps subjective and dare I say open to s exploration. Jan 16, Kimberly rated it really liked it Shelves: relationships , library , sexuality , womens-studies , psychology , spirituality , sociology. Nice book that directly rather than wishy washy and ethereally discusses the Taoist lovemaking the physical ramifications of orgasm based sex and channeling energy between partners.
Very practical with sound examples.
Is Lying Part of Loving? | Psychology Today
And why, even with my best efforts, sex still seemed like combative showmanship in orgasm achiev Nice book that directly rather than wishy washy and ethereally discusses the Taoist lovemaking the physical ramifications of orgasm based sex and channeling energy between partners. And why, even with my best efforts, sex still seemed like combative showmanship in orgasm achievement. Fascinating book and I highly recommend it. Will update my review upon completion. Aug 14, Brent Cope rated it it was amazing Shelves: science , psychology. A really interesting perspective on the biological, neurological and psychological consequences of orgasm.
Thoroughly engrossing, the facts and research as well as the 'ancient wisdom' tidbits spread throughout really make the book fun to read. It gives a lot of insight into our own behavior and can really help you acquire focus. If you're in a relationship already I definitely recommend it for both partners to read together and share with each other, it's that kind of book. May 15, Henri Junttila rated it really liked it Shelves: non-fiction.
Could having too much sex be ruining your relationship? Yup, turns out it can. This book dives into why we do what we do, and how we can use the different parts of our brain to not only have more fulfilling relationships, but be happier in general. I'd recommend this book for anyone who wants to make their relationship work, and work well after the initial year honeymoon period.
This book was repetitive in parts, but I liked it. It helped me learn and retain the information. Jan 07, Steve Bedford rated it liked it. An intriguing premise that could have been explained fully in roughly half the number of pages. Feb 16, Kevin rated it it was amazing. This book talks about the fact that we easily get habituated fed up with our partners after repetitive sexual encounters until orgasm.
We get the feeling of being "done". It is a mammalian mating signal to lose interest in your partner. Constant repetition of sexual acts until orgasm drive us towards subtle changes in our mood and thus creates some friction between lovers over time. This is what the author refers to as Cupid's Poison. Having an orgasm causes a neurochemical reaction in the brai This book talks about the fact that we easily get habituated fed up with our partners after repetitive sexual encounters until orgasm. Having an orgasm causes a neurochemical reaction in the brain, which in turn may speed up habituation.
This reaction may last up to two weeks, also known as the orgasm cycle.